Today marks 30 years since landmark SF comic 2000AD materialised on this planet. Its tales were always a bit far-fetched, particularly the ones about Judge Dredd, wherein democracy has been thrown away, and the forces of law and order can barge into your home and shoot you and expect to get a commendation rather than a reprimand. Never mind the absurdly fat people who need little wheels to stop their bellies dragging on the floor.

February 28, 2007 Current Affairs | Permalink | Comments (0)

The other day Sneak spilt half a cup of water onto a Microsoft ergonomic keyboard... Unsurprisingly it reacted like Bill Gates with a custard pie in the face - it stopped what it was doing immediately, spluttering “iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” all over the screen. Sneak pulled the plug before the keyboard buffer could overflow and overwrite some critical component of Windows.

Sneak carefully set the keyboard aside to dry for 72 hours, whereupon it came as no surprise that it still didn’t work.

Two minutes with a screwdriver revealed the shocking truth - the crude switches, made from a sandwich of acrylic films with contacts printed in metallic ink, had been wrecked by the highly corrosive tap water.

A visit to the web, in search of a better class of input device, turned up the Happy Hacking Keyboard made by Fujitsu subsidiary PFU. This uses high-quality capacitance-based switching and can be had in a number of sizes and specs. Sneak, naturally, went for the Professional edition. Which is available with blank keys. Yes, entirely blank keys. Sneak will let the company explain:

“You: The sophisticated world class programmer - able to turn out incredibly complex projects in incredibly compressed amounts of time - you’re the envy of your peers... Shouldn’t your keyboard reflect your status as one of the elite? The blank-top keys and your ability to command the features and functions of this professional tool will amaze your peers - adding to your already formidable reputation!”

That’s a reputation for blind stupidity, presumably.

Of course if the prospect of inscrutably blank keys is not enough to impress your peers, you can always fork out thousands of pounds for a special keyboard with blank keys that have been painstakingly hand-coated with ten layers of traditional Japanese lacquer. Apparently the lacquer will last about 100 years. Your sanity may be less long-lived.

February 26, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0)

Paranoid types indulging in inappropriate surfing may wish to wear tin helmets over their tin-foil hats, if the security bloggers over at F-Secure in Helsinki are to be believed. As their blog relates, the researches have a mashup in the lab that uses Google Earth to plot the location of computers that probe their network (and thus are assumed to be hackers or zombie botnet recruits) “[We use it to] get a feeling of where on the globe these machines are, in real-time,” the boffins note.

So far, so whatever. Well, last year F-Secure played host to a bunch of braid-laden US military top brass, who took more than a little interest in this bad-guy pinpointing. One of the brass hats, on seeing the level of zoom-in possible with Google’s imagery, “made a comment along the lines of ‘that would be accurate enough to bomb it’.”

The labs boys took this as a joke. Until they read in the papers that “the Department of Defense is prepared, based on the authority of the president, to launch a cyber counterattack or an actual bombing of an attack source...”

So if you’re up to no good online, and hear a whistling sound overhead, as it gets louder there will be a few seconds in which you’ll know who to blame for giving the US the idea.

February 23, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sneak received some spam today. Nothing new there, except this one was a bit of a peek up the skirts of the spam merchant. For whatever reason, the automation designed to create pseudo variety among the emails (presumably to try to defeat spam filters) has been laid bare.

Sneak particular likes the bit where the message can't quite decide how much cash is on offer:

<"Hello"|"Hi"|"Hi there"|"Good day">

I <"hope"|"sincerely hope"|"wish"> this message finds you in a great <"spirit"|"mood">.
<"For a start"|"First"|"First of all"> <"I would"|"I'd"> like to <"congratulate"|"welcome"> you on this <"offer"|"opportunity"> because our <"association"|"company"|"corporation"> just got your contact and your <"brief"|"short"> profile through an <"email"|"web"> listing affiliated with <"the UK Chamber of Commerce"|"Monster"|"Careerbuilder"|"Yahoo Jobs"|"Google Jobs"|"HotJobs">
<"I would"|"I'd"> be <"very"|"extremely"|"highly"> interested in <"offering"|"giving"> you a <"work at home"|"great"|"flex-time"|"part-time"> <"job"|"career"> in which you <"could"|"can"|"would"> <"earn"|"get"> an extra income <"of about"|"nearly"|"up to"|"starting from"> $<"2000"|"3000"|"4000"> <"per month"|"monthly">.

This work <"does not"|"doesn't"|"will not"|"won't"> affect your <"present"|"current"> <"job"|"career"> and this is a <"very "|"">limited offer in which I <"will"|"would"|"would really"> require your immediate response.
I <"will be hoping"|"really hope"> to hear from you soon, since <"its"|"it's"|"it is"|"this is"> a job that <"can"|"will"> enable you to <"work from home"|"work part-time"|"enjoy an easy work"|"work at home">.
You will also <"stand the chances"|"have a chance"|"be given the opportunity"> of being a part of our future and <"excellent"|"winning"|"our"> team in which <"you will"|"you'll"> be highly <"appreciated"|"respected">.

Please fill out our <"application"|"appointment"> form, <"no fees asked"|"no money upfront">, just your <"name and a phone number"|"basic contact details">:

<"Your application"|"Your enquiry"> will be <"processed"|"answered"> <"as soon as possible"|"ASAP">.

<"Thank you"|"Thanks"|"Have a nice day"|"Best wishes"|"Take care"|"Bye">.

February 22, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sneak has been wading through the witless wisdom of crowds on display at Dell’s IdeaStorm, a kind of chimera created by splicing a blatant copy of Digg with a blatant copy of the Halfbakery. The concept is for Dell to get some market research and new product brainstorming done for free, by allowing customers to suggest their half-baked ideas for new products or services, and then letting the users digg (sorry, vote to promote) the best suggestions. That’s the concept - the dreary reality is countless suggestions that Dell should offer pre-installed open source software (as if nobody at Dell had ever heard of Linux).

So far, the best idea Sneak has seen is a suggestion that the IdeaStorm site should allow visitors to nix as well as endorse existing suggestions. A moderator wouldn’t hurt either.

Then again, maybe there is a moderator, and their job is not to remove the dross and highlight the gems, but the reverse. After all, if a punter were to suggest something truly groundbreaking, would you leave the idea up there for all to see, or grab it, hide it and send it hotfoot to your labs?

February 21, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (1)

The sleepy village of Exton in Hampshire has scored a world’s first, by erecting an old-fashioned painted-metal road sign that is considerably smarter than a state-of-the-art computerised satellite navigation system. The sign warns that a lane through the village is narrow - very narrow - and will not provide the quickest route from Winchester to Havant even if the satellite navigation thinks it does.

As the many stuck lorries and reversing vans have proven, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and until the dumb little boxes on the dashboard learn to plot which roads have grass down the middle, matters will only get worse. Already, more and more drivers are trusting their satnav and ignoring the road signs that used to funnel traffic onto long-way-round bypasses, and instead are ploughing straight through market towns and villages on routes that offer the shortest journey time (as long as you’re thin and riding a motorbike, rather than fat and driving an articulated lorry).

It can only be a matter of time before irate residents of once-peaceful hamlets begin installing GPS-jamming technology. Apparently the satellite signals are rather weak, so a device the size of a tin of beans, broadcasting noise at the right frequency, can smother GPS signals over several square miles.

Sneak’s advice is to avoid the whole moving-from-place-to-place thing. It’s not worth it.

February 20, 2007 Travel | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sneak can’t help noticing a tiny quirk in the animated logo people that are currently encouraging people to buy and sell things among the Nigerian scammers, bootleg sellers and knock-off merchants on eBay. The four little cartoon people spring out of the eBay logo before discussing, say, what the phrase “I wanna box” might mean (when “I wanna refund” might be more apt). Anyway, peer closely at the mismatched quartet and you’ll notice that each has a pair of eyes that’s not the same size. Now when Sneak went to caricature school there was only one reason why you’d give a cartoon character mismatched eyes - one big staring eye and one small squinty eye is shorthand for craziness. It’s a way to indicate that a character is stark, staring mad. It’s also a lot easier to draw than a straitjacket with all its confusing buckles and straps. So, all in all, the odd-eyed cartoon people were an unexpected choice from eBay’s advertising department, but a truthful one nonetheless.

February 19, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0)

Worried that your job might be outsourced overseas? Fear not! As this web page created by Japanese employment services firm Recruit amply demonstrates, there will always be room in the IT industry for team players able to carry a task through to completion...

Link: www.1-click.jp/

February 16, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0)

New website TextMeOuttaHere.co.uk will, for a pound, send its users a text message at a prearranged time to help them lie and cheat their way out of an awkward situation. Having seen “over 1000 excuses sent in its first month”, founder Emma Kane was moved to say: “Britain's mobiles phone users are obviously a devious lot.” Sneak, for one, resents this kind of sweeping statement. Given that market penetration of mobiles in the UK is roughly 100 percent, what Kane is actually saying is that everyone in the country is a devious liar - including you, Sneak, your spouse or partner, your best friend and your vicar. That’s slander, surely.

February 13, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sneak is almost persuaded of the sense behind a recent patent application for what is, basically, an upside-down mobile phone. London-based inventor Anthony Harrison has filed a patent for a candybar-style phone with the screen below the keypad, rather than above it. The sketch in the application looks exactly like a Nokia 6233 held upside down. The drawing is not very detailed, but presumably Harrison intends to flip the lettering on the buttons to save neck-strain. The reasoning behind this seemingly contrary design is that it’s easier to type text messages with your thumb if the handset is nestling deep in your palm, rather than perching among your fingertips. Although there does seem to be some merit in the notion, it would help if thumbs were transparent.
Sneak wonders what other innovations, other than Microsoft’s patching policy, make more sense when turned topsy-turvy.

February 6, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sneak was delighted to catch Dubya's recent State of the Union address and hear everybody's favourite lame-duck president finally admit that global warming might actually pose a teeny bit of a problem. But never in the wildest of dreams did Sneak imagine that anyone would come up with quite such an innovative way to tackle the problem.

Rather than inconvenience Bush’s chums in the oil industry, the US government last August decided to change time itself, extending the US daylight saving period by an additional four weeks, starting next month.

This brainwave will reduce emissions because most electrical use takes place during dark evenings, apparently. Presumably during dark mornings Americans are happy to fumble around in the dark.

Speaking of which, Microsoft has also come to the energy saving party by failing to release relevant patches for Windows 2000 and older systems. As a result the imminent time change looks set to cause countless software timing conflicts which may well see the world grind to a halt, Y2K style. Sneak can only applaud Microsoft's decision as another fine example of its altruistic desire to see plenty more electricity saved.

February 5, 2007 Current Affairs | Permalink | Comments (0)

Reader Jim Watts wrote to note that Amazon is offering used copies of Vista for less than the new price. "Are people really throwing it away already?" he asks.

February 2, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0)

Microsoft top bod Jim Allchin starts his retirement today, and used his final blog post to ponder a future away from the nine to five (or, more likely, the five to nine). It’s pretty clear that supervising the long drawn-out delivery of Vista has driven him bonkers. Here’s a snippet from his retirement diary:

4:00 PM: Home with the boys. Went to the playroom to help them build a train layout. Ended up doing interoperability test to study compatibility issues related to using Thomas trains on Brio track. Turns out while they work, the trains perform better on their native platform. Need to try Brio trains on Thomas track tomorrow.

5:00 PM: Dinner with the family. Had a great conversation about the kids’ day. May have spent too much time asking them “how they would have done things better” and “what do they see as their key areas for growth?”

6:45 PM: Read kids a bedtime story. I was amazed by how quickly they fell asleep when I read them one of my favourite classics, “The Theory of Recursive Functions and Effective Computability”.

7:30 PM: Checked email. Again. No new email.

February 1, 2007 Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0)