Sneak was alarmed by a release from analyst firm Gartner this week. Recession is coming, it warned, offering firms suggestions on what costs to cut, and essentially who to fire.

Sneak, who is consistently last in the office, knows that in such situations he is a very tempting target, so has this money-saving advice for his superiors: "Lose the analysts… they cost too much."

February 28, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sneak happened to wander into a cinema the other day and find himself watching a film called Cloverfield.

For those readers who are still getting round to watching Three Men and a Baby at the cinema, Cloverfield is about a monster who is annoyed about being disturbed from its marine slumber. So it does what any right-thinking underworld creature would do, and starts smashing to pieces the nearest thing to it - in this case New York.

A well known scaredy-cat, Sneak immediately shelved any water-based plans he had, including flushing the loo, for fear of raising the ire of any other evil water dwellers.

If only others were so sensible. Hot on the heels of the mysterious undersea cable cutting incidents, reports have since emerged that Google and five other companies are building a new undersea connection to boost internet capacity between the United States and Asia.

The fibre optic cable will run between Los Angeles and Chikura, off the coast of Tokyo. Don’t Google and chums realise they’re asking for trouble, choosing the birthplace of that other well-known water dweller Godzilla as the site for their very expensive new cabling?

February 28, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sneak was pleasantly surprised this morning to find an envelope full of edible treats from global consultancy and IT services giant Logica CMG on his desk. Never one to shun a snack between breakfast and elevenses, Sneak tore into the Logica branded chocolate bar and … oh wait, the USB stick was apparently not edible. Well, one lives and one learns.

If Sneak had not been so hasty as to wolf down both items so fast they barely had time to touch the sides, he would have discovered the purpose of said giftage – to advertise the rebranding of the firm. Are you all ready? They've dropped the CMG! Yes, Sneak can hardly believe it. Whatever next? KPMG to become plain old KP? It doesn't bear thinking about, it really doesn't.

February 27, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

A short time ago Sneak deactivated his Facebook account. There were a few complications with errant pokes and restraining orders which made it quite difficult to continue. No, not really, it was more a combination of social experiment and plain old fatigue. Sneak remembers the good days, when every new update, every friend request, every hug, kiss and bitchslap was a joy. But now, getting tens of emails a day informing that a minor acquaintance has just ordered a Chinese takeaway and is looking forward to a quiet night in front of the telly, is just plain irritating.

And thank the lord, it seems the rest of the UK might well be following Sneak into FB suicide. According to analyst Nielsen Online, there was a five per cent decline in unique visitors to the site from December to January. Maybe soon IT managers’ worries about communicating and enforcing internet usage policies at work will be a thing of the past. Or maybe not; there's always something better to be doing at work than work, and as Facebook wanes, a new and terrifying internet phenomenon will no doubt take its place.

February 23, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

The well-being of our planet has dominated the discourse of middle class dinner parties for the best part of a decade now. There are of course those who believe in global warming ... and those who don’t. And then there are those who take some sort of bizarre pleasure in witnesing the destruction of our planet.

Eco-web site The Cryosphere Today has access to the archive of daily polar ice cap concentrations from 1979 to present day, and quicktime animations of this year’s sea ice retreat, should you care to witness their steady erosion. And while you’re on the move and fancy some cheering up? Well, why not download the site’s mobile web application for your iPhone or iPod Touch, and view side-by-side images of Northern Hemisphere sea ice extent for any two dates in the satellite record from ’79. Alright, it might not be very entertaining, but it might encourage you to take a minute to think about investing in more power-efficient kit for your data centres.

February 23, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yup, the boffins have been at it again it seems. The US National Academy of Engineering last week brought together some of the planet's brightest thinkers to come up with a report into the world’s greatest challenges. Actually, “challenges” is a word Sneak is inherently suspicious of, due to its frequent appearance alongside “solutions” and “leverage” in many a technology vendor's press release.

So anyway, the report into the earth's problems was presented to the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS). And what did the greatest scientists, entrpreneurs and thinkers around come up with? Um, we need technologies to provide cleaner power, cleaner water and to save lives. Well, duh.

February 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

The world of IT Sneakery can be a dangerous one sometimes. A sinister and murky land where paranoia reigns and no one is safe. There are certain people you do not want to cross, especially in the realm of cyber security, where the line between good and evil is constantly shifting.

Alright, maybe it’s not quite that nefarious. Although, according to the Guardian newspaper, it could be. The thinking man’s Independent last week hilariously referred to Eugene Kaspersky, founder of Russian anti-virus firm Kaspersky Lab, as a former lieutenant in the KGB. Wow, nice work guys. For the record, Sneak has it on good authority that Symantec chief John Thompson was a card carrying member of the CIA before a sniper’s bullet forced early retirement. No, not really; if only IT security actually was that exciting.

February 16, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

According to a survey undertaken by IBM’s Business Intelligence firm Cognos, loved ones will have to compete with the BlackBerry this Valentine’s day.

42 per cent of the 120 senior manager respondents said being out with their partners will not stop them checking their Blackberry. 25 per cent even admitted they would have to check it secretly.

Most of the senior managers said that they loved their Blackberry. The reason? Because the device allows them to keep constantly up-to-date with important work information such as business reports - something very few spouses would even want to do.

Well Sneak congratulates the senior managers surveyed for all their hard work, but advises them to take another look at the benefits of a healthy work-life balance.

February 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Tired of running out of battery power for your myriad mobile devices? Want to keep fit but just can't justify the time out of the office? Well here's the perfect technology answer for you. Yes, coming soon, possibly, to a Carphone Warehouse or an outpatients unit near you - a knee brace that can generate enough power to charge your mobile or pacemaker.

Yes, Sneak has discovered that some clever North American scientists have managed to create a device which can harvest the kinetic energy expelled by the knee. Don't go holding your collective breaths though - it could be some time before your mobile workers get to benefit from the fruits of their IT labours.

February 10, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

S just became the most expensive letter of the alphabet this week – well, in the bizarre world of domain name auctions – as cruise community web site cruise.co.uk announced it is to shell out over £500,000 on cruises.co.uk. Sad to say, this figure is actually the highest sum ever paid for a .uk name – the equally mundane recycle.co.uk, ink.co.uk and mobile.co.uk make up the top four.

As in all things, the US leads the way with the biggest, the brashest, and the most sleazy names. Sex.com fetched a whopping $12 million when it was bought in 2005, and porn.com went for a similarly impressive $9.5m last year. Maybe we just prefer more sedate pursuits here in good old Blighty. Wait a minute … cruising??

February 7, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

All the talk this week has been about Yahoo and Microsoft, of course. But while it might have stoked the fires of mouthy hacks and analysts alike, Sneak really can't see what the big deal is. Gates v Google, Ballmer vs Yang, who really cares? Could it potentially alter cyberspace as we know it? Meh.

A slightly better search engine and a more hip, internety Microsoft, or Yacrosoft, or Micrahoo, is all that is likely to result if the hostile bid succeeds. Oh, and the end of Yahoo Mail and Messenger. Oh, and the redefinition of the search engine marketing industry. Alright, alright; on second thoughts it might be worth casually following the story. But surely the most epoch-making moment in this deal could be the day Microsoft announces it is to place an exclamation mark at the end of its logo. Yes, this would surely be a defining moment in the history of 21st century technology.

February 6, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quick question. What have Morrissey, that donkey from Winnie the Pooh and the IT profession got in common? Well, according to the latest Happiness at Work survey by recruitment firm Badenoch & Clark, it’s depression. IT staff came second top in the unhappiness rankings with 25 per cent saying they are miserable at work – a whopping four per cent above the national average, but still four per cent behind HR professionals.

All Sneak can suggest in this time of global instability, ecological meltdown and economic uncertainty is, well, keep your chin up, at least you don't work in HR.

February 4, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)