Due to an administrative error involving a large GPS systems provider, a mis-typed domain name, and a cross channel ferry opportunity, a riot had closed down both of Calais' greengrocers.

Hordes, well, tens, of Apple-mad brits hit the glamorous port town looking to stock up on bargain unlocked Apple iPhones, only to discover that they had spent approximately £59 for a four person car pass on a ferry to buy what one described as "low-rent grannie smiths. The kind that old people make a lot of noise eating."

Finding nowhere to spend the Euros they had with them, the iPhone tourists decided to start walking around making huffing noises and speaking under their breath. After a while one tripped, knocking over a display of "legumes", and, according to an eye witness, "the whole place went mental."

"At first we thought that they wanted a particular kind of apple, but we later realised that it was the Apple iPhone that the stupid British were after. Idiots" said, Mnsr Paradi – the owner of the 'No horse Veg shop' through a translator and a barrage of shoulder shrugs.

After refusing access to his toilet, and pretending to understand even simple English phrases, Paradi's shop was razed to the ground and then rebuilt three miles around the corner, "Just, I suspect, to annoy me" he said.

Apple UK wasn't asked to comment on the story, since actually it had nothing to do with it.