Sneak is a big fan of futurologists, especially when their ideas read like the ramblings of a pot-smoking loon. So it was quite apt that this week at an IT security conference in Amsterdam, crystal ball-gazer extraordinaire Ian Pearson put a smile on the humourless European lips of the assembled CISO audience with his bonkers predictions.

Pearson explained how in the future we're likely to use wireless USB sticks – believable enough – and that we may one day holiday in virtual worlds – again just about possible. And then he told us about "smart bacteria" which could be engineered by criminals to harvest personal information. The details escape Sneak – actually, come to think of it, there were no real details, that's the beauty of being a futurologist – but our soothsayer predicted a nightmarish future when opening the lid of an "infected" pot of your favourite yoghurt could lead to all sorts of trouble. You see, as you breathe in the microscopic, specially engineered organisms, they could travel up your nose and steal all the passwords etc stored in your brain. Don't laugh, this is our future, people. Be very afraid.