According to consumer watchdog magazine Which? Some keyboards are dirtier than toilet seats. In fact they are a lot dirtier says the magazine, and could even give you diarrhoea. Let us not speculate how…

Sneak, however, is not surprised by this, since quite often he can be found sitting on the toilet using a keyboard, and less frequently confusing the two, (sorry Mum, but it has been known.)

So, he believes the warnings, especially as he is incredibly distrusting of the hygiene practices of anyone, including himself.

Not for Sneak is the handshake, the shared water bottle, the communal park bench, or the dish of mints at the takeaway. Nor, come to think of it, is the publications racks in shops and libraries – which is where you might find this fingerpointing periodical.

So, Sneak wonders, just how dirty is the average copy of Which? And, would anyone want to eat their dinner off it?